we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
Randomize
