so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What the fuck could you be doing in that room to make her yell "Beginners Luck!" over and over again?
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Randomize
