I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Sometimes I wish I could open my skin and just take a little peek at my liver. You know, just to see if it's rotten yet or still perfect looking.
If I interpreted our horoscopes correctly...you should be coming home with an 8 ball. Just saying.
All right cuz right now I'm in one of those moods where the shear thought of doing anything more strenuous than making a sandwich has me wanting to curl up in the feeble position and splash around in a puddle of my own tears.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
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