he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
Randomize
