aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
On another note, I kinda only wanna poop laying down now
Randomize
