Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
how much land on farmville do you have now? i sold all my shit to make room i need more money... these animals need to know I'm running a business not a charity.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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