You smell like stripper and shame
Apparently when he woke up I was tripping my face off. Everytime the cat meowed I would meow back. This went on for several hours.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
If Anthony Weiner can get in trouble for sexting 2 or 3 girls I dunno how politicians will make it in 10 years.
Lol I would vote for a guy that is trying to be a senator that has a viral video of him motorboating a topless chick
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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