Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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