Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
sometimes i look at this picture of your cock before i go to sleep, there's something comforting about it
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
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