Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
3 2 1 whiskey
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
