I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
He called me an ungrateful bitch because I lauged when he asked me "how do you me and a bed sound?"
Like I should be grateful for the 5 minutes I sit on top of him and stare at the wall.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
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Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
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So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
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