today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
So I'm pretty sure when I was giving a Birthday Blow J, he went to grab my boob, but grabbed a fat roll and asked "You're not wearing a bra?"
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
WAIT U DIDN'T FEED THE SQUIRREL?
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
We just don't discuss our relationships. It's pretty much like we're single no matter what to each other. And I'm okay with that. ¯\\(ツ)/¯
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
