When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
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