The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
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