grandma shit on top of the toilet
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
Also I just took a shit at a bar so always remember that ANYTHING is possible.
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
