omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
