I'm gonna write a book, Things that go bump in the night: The story of Katelyn. Chapter one, my roommate is a dumb whore.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
I take Paypal, cash, sexual favors, and roasted red potatoes with garlic as payment. You choose.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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