Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
My cat gives me a boner
I feel like a bad episode of csi trying to figure everyone's DNA that's in me
so for future reference,at what point did you feel like a line had been crossed?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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