just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
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