Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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