I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
I wish I'd realized he looked like Skrillex before I was already in the middle of fucking him...
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
Wait... so you had sex and then your ear drum ruptured? I'm not sure if I want to ask if the two are related...
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
