His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Sober me admires drunk me's enthusiasm, but there is no way I'm going to make it out there today.
Lol drunk you is so full ideas and happy. Sober you is full of grumpy reality.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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