My lawyer watched my DUI video. Said of the thousand or so he's seen, mine was one of the top ten best.
If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Jason Williams (yeah the ex-nets center...) drunkenly told me that, while drinking, I should take an ambien and a cialis before i go home...that will "give me a 25 minute window to have sex and then goto sleep before the bitch starts bothering me"....
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
