i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
T minus 20 hours until we forget our names, find some city cowboys, and g&t into the night.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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