I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Sorry, I didn't know he was with you. The ongoing collapse of Trump has me horny as hell.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
