I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
I want your cock.
All we are is dust in the wiiiiiiinnnnnnnnnnd
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
Randomize
