i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Dude I'm pretty sure everyone in my office knows I fucked our boss...can I ask for anything better?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
