i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
