Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Having to explain to my dad why there are chicken wings to the pool filter, new low.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Randomize
