I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
ugh... I can't wait for campus to get back. Then everyone will have other things to try to have sex with besides me.
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Note to self. Don't order a $10 bottle of wine on a 40 min flight because it seems like a good deal.
God you're perfect.
I am. So drunk right now. Good work, Frontier.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
Randomize
