last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
This really high kid past out in the corner of the room holding a box of cheez its in his arm. My idol.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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