I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
