Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Randomize
