are you wasted or are you getting laid?
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wow
she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Randomize
