I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
You passed out and she managed to carry you all the way back to your dorm last night. I believe your testicles now her property.
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a mouse. In the house. By the cans. With some pans. Release the cat. To eat his hat. Sorry about the mess. Of my breakfest.
No but seriously, there's a fucking mouse in the house by the beer cans
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have a rage boner right now. An actual erection brought on by the amount of sheer hatred I have towards nationwide.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
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