It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I need to stop smoking. I just talked to corn.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
