took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
Almost thought it was a good idea to call his parents to thank them for having a son with an awesome dick. That high.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
My life is pants optional.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
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