My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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