Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
I just didn't expect to have anal in a retail store at 9 AM on a Tuesday.
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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