Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
figured after she passed out and i threw up in her bed, morning sex would be pushing it.
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
Really? I thought your parents stopped loving you when you drunkenly fell through the ceiling...
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
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