Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
can u get pink eye on your cock?
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
This coke is making my nose hairs dance. That good.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
Oral sex and brunch. The perfect sunday morning.
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