he puts the penis in happiness.
Its Friday night, and I'm sitting at home watching are you smarter then a 5th grader, drinking vodka. I got every single question wrong. Clearly you see where I'm headed in life.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Cheyanne in woods. Ducks attacked. My toe is bleeding. We are gpsing our way home on foot. No worries
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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