I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm out of prison. Wanna start a band?
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
Randomize
