just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I went in to wake you up this morning and you had a condom draped across your throat like a necklace. There were no boys in the house last night, what were you doing?
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
ugh... fuck pirate breakfast. my head is like thirsty.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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