so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Googled "can you put dry ice in your drink?" I'm safee
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
