:)
Wipe that smile off your face.
I'm still drunk from last night...I walked out for a cigarette with one of the Janitors here and apparently someone took a shit on the stairs...Which makes me wonder...was that me?
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
We won't have time to talk.. I'll be rolling you a blunt and you'll be getting naked.
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Randomize
