Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I don't know how a coffee date turned into road head. But hey
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
