Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
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