So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I enjoy the level of friendship we have achieved until you ask me to determine what may or may not be gentile warts via iphone pic
I need to sanitize my soul.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
i out mim tonsoeep
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