forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
