I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
he actually used the line "do you have a map, because i'm lost in your eyes" and i was to drunk to care
Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
I got a Luke Skywalker costume so I can go do battle with the homeless guy who plays the fiddle dressed as Darth Vader downtown.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
He's tryingto open a beer with a Police baton. Cut him off or see where this leads?
Don't lose. A little bit of my soul dies every time a beer pong game is lost.
Did you leave your blow razor here? I need it for crafts.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
