Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
These hangoverless Sunday mornings are becoming too regular.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
Why the fuck is there a goat in the kitchen
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