This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
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