fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
i could have been the DD. this is ridiculous. i'm the most sober and getting the least ass.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
No, seriously, I've slept with 3 guys this month.
It's ok, February is a short month
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Every time I start to think he's just not worth the trouble, he puts his face down there and I wanna buy him a car
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
Randomize
