I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
New one-upper goal: I have to shit off the side of a moving train then jump off
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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