Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I'm sorry for throwing the cheese everywhere, but it wasn't my fault. No one was enforcing disipline so not really my fault for not behaving
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
Randomize
