Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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