dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Randomize
