Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
FUCK TREES I CLIMB BUOYS MOTHERFUCKER
STOP listening to that song
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
We are all done wearing pants today
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
