I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
