You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
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