when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
tell me about the fingering
Will you PLEASE get your mom to stop telling me I'd make a great husband? She knows I'm gay, right?!
I know, but she really likes you. Have you met my brother yet?
Randomize
