How is Miami?
Omk. I'm shitggaved om loincoln
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I have feelings that need drinking.
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I'm about to go get lunchables and alcohol. Take that adulthood
Randomize
