just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
That's the girl I met who was peeing on the driveway with me. We bonded
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Because my vagina is Ellis Island. All foreign penises must be presented for inspection and competency. God bless America.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
