Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
there are chunks of pepperoni under the sheets. can you be here in 10? breakfast in bed?
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
We're about to have a bottle rocket fight on jetskis. You have 5 minutes to get on our level.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
There are peanut butter donuts now. We are playing with forces we can't possibly understand.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Accidentally made a straight guy question his sexuality again. I really gotta watch myself.
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
