I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
This weekend was amazing, 4 confirmed pukings, 2 cops, 3 hookers, one photographed t-bagging of the groom, and a night in an illegal gambling house.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
