Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I DON'T WANT TO KNOW THE SCIENTIFIC REASONING BEHIND WHY I STARTED A HAREM ESPECIALLY NOT FROM A GUY IN THE HAREM!
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
When dressing for a 3way, how do I convey to the other chick I care enough to look pretty but not so much that it's a huge deal?
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I mean, who hasn’t been fingered in there back of an Uber?
Randomize
