Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
You kept asking the bartender if you could "buy a dollar".
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
ever had one of those days where you say fuck it and lick the inside of a bag of chips
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
All I remember was you telling him there was something behind him so he would turn around and you could slide down his carpeted stairs on your belly without a shirt on. How's that carpet burn btw?
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