It's Friday. Sex?
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
He's wearing my bra and eating a breadstick while jumping on our bed.....
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
Apparently she "missed me" and the only logical solution was to fuck my brother.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Randomize
